Deathly Sorrows
by valdeh
Summary: Love grows while guilt consumes. In a world where their love was all they had, how will Dimitri and Rose fare when the inconceivable was done, the end seems so close, is it? Will a new leaf be turned? Is the light at the end, lost? ON HAITUS


_I don't own Vampire Academy.=]_

Deathly Sorrows

Dimitri was coming home late a lot lately. I asked Adrian about it once, since he was Adrian's guardian and all but he told me that Dimitri was his day guard and was off at eight. I could still remember the conversation. Dimitri was so "tired"…yea that's what he says. He looked pretty awake to me; he told me how Adrian wanted to go out and needed his help because he came in around two.

_Flashback_

"_Hey Adrian" I yelled._

"_Why hello Little Dhampir. Long time no see, where have you been hiding?" he smirked at me. _

"_No where. You've just been avoiding me and taking away my fiancée. Why do you have him working so late? I mean, I know he is a guardian and all but you have like five, why do you need him 24/7?"_

_Adrian looked at me with confusion written all over his face._

"_Little Dhampir. As much as I would like to take that cradle-robber away from you and have you all to myself I haven't. He is only my day guardian. Granted some days I might need him a little longer but other than that his shift ends at six, and starts at six." He explained thoughtfully at me._

"_Oh…" I didn't know what to say to that…_

"_Is something wrong Rose?" I admit, Adrian did look seriously concerned. _

"_Uhh..no, everything's all right. I gotta go, Lissa wants to go shopping today. Good-bye Lord Ivashkov." I smiled._

_He gently grabbed my arm and cradled my chin in his hands, our faces inches apart, even though a couple years ago this would have disgusted me, I was…excited to say the least._

"_Now, now Rose. I've told you once and I will tell you again, don't call me that. I am Adrian and you are Rose. Or Little Dhampir as I'd like to put it." He smirked at this when he said, "unless you have some other sexy nick name for me…then I'll accept"_

_I blushed. "Nope. Just Adrian. See you later"_

_End of flashback_

Today he was also coming home late. Since we moved like about a five months after he started. I don't know why. He just says it's because of work and that's it. We live at Court by the way. I'm Lissa's head guardian along with Apollos and Lorenzo. Eddie and Mia are a thing now and he is her guardian. Christian has two guardians also.

I was getting ready for bed. Again, alone. Through the bond I could feel that Lissa was excited, maybe she and Christian were going to have some "fun" Dimitri and I haven't had in a long time. Really, I'm not exaggerating.

I'm talking like two months.

I leave the porch light on for him. Whenever he feels like coming home he can find our house. Yea we live in a house. Lissa and Mia are on either side of me, and right in front resides Adrian's three-story mansion.

THAT'S where we have ALL our wild parties. Lol.

I walk upstairs and head to bed. I was dozing off when I heard the front door open. So I wasn't really asleep but I couldn't help but wonder what time tonight he would think about showing up.

He comes in the room and the first thing I smell from him isn't his intoxicating aftershave like I use to, but alcohol. Strong alcohol. Great! He's drunk.

_Brace yourself Rose_ I thought

I lay as still as possible. I know he's stumbling but I don't want to quarrel tonight. I'm just so tired.

"Roza" he whispers in my ear while burying his face in my hair. His breath reeks, it reminds me of the first day I met Adrian. He doesn't drink as much now I wish that Dimitri hadn't picked up his bad habit.

I don't answer. _Please just go away_ I think to myself. But what he said next kept me up all night.

"I'm so sorry, I love you. Believe that."

Then he leaves to change and never came back. I woke up at 2:30 a.m. One: because I was up wondering what he could possibly be sorry for apart from the obvious coming in late and Two: because I didn't feel him beside me when I needed his warmth.

I went to check up on him, just to make sure, even though I knew where he was, on the couch. He loves it there. Away from me.

I went to bed that night wondering where Dimitri and mine's relationship is heading.

Is love worth all this pain? Because for the past four months that's all I've been feeling. Pain. Nothing else. What am I going to do?

I dozed off and found myself in a very familiar and loving place.

I was in one of Adrian's dreams.

"_Adrian" I said. I knew he could've heard me._

"_Rose…" Adrian walked out from behind a tree. But what I became aware of was the fact that he called me Rose. He never calls me "Rose" unless he's serious. _

"_What? What's the matter?" I rush up to him and cradle his face in my hands. I hope he's not hurt. I've grown fond of Adrian recently. When I first started to see less and less of Dimitri I couldn't handle the loneliness. So Adrian helped me. He loved me so much. Love, that is._

_He shakes his head. "Nothing. I'll see you later ok?"_

_Then he leaves? I don't get it. He's never the first to leave. Even when I don't want to go he makes me leave first. Weird._

I wake up to find Dimitri in the shower. Wow! He's here when I'm awake. He is normally already gone by the time I am up. Do not know why but that is the case.

I decide to have a little fun. I sneak myself into the bathroom and what I see shocks the shit out of me.

There is a hickey the size of Jericho on Dimitri's chest! It looks like it's fading but still! I didn't give that to him. Where the *** did he get that? Is that why he's been home late? What…he got tired of me?

I'm pissed, oh yea am I pissed.

"So is that why you're always home late?" I ask. I lean myself on the bathroom door frame and fold my arms and give him as much Rose Hathaway attitude as I possibly can.

"Good-morning to you too Rose" he says in a calm way that just irritates me more.

"Where were you last night?" I demand.

"Working." it wasn't just the way he said it, it was the fact that he said it in a dismissive way and then just walks out the door. He shoves me out of the way and walk away.

I leave the house. I couldn't stay in there anymore. Dimitri and I never talk. I mean I talk with Adrian more than I do with him so that's where I went, over to Adrian's. I'm not suppose to be over at Lissa's until nine so I have two more hours. I cross the Court road and jog up the path that leads to Adrian's front door.

I knock but didn't get an answer so I just when inside. I could never get enough of where he lives. It was beautiful. High, gold painted ceilings. Fancy lightings and off white chairs. It was classic. I heared singing coming from the kitchen so I went there.

"(8) Oh why, why my love cant you love me?

How can you not see that I love you?

Oh why? Why my love don't you love me?

Even when your with him I still do love you…..(8)"

He died down when he flipped his eggs. Pieces flew on the kitchen floor then I decided to make my entrance.

"Lovely voice Adrian. Didn't know you could sing."

"Little Dhampir. You scared me. what don't you think your beauty is enough to kill me?" he smirks but seemed like he was dead serious.

"Oh…" I was actually speechless.

"So what brings you here so early in the morning? And when there is no party? Because you and I both know that's the only reason you talk with me…." then he laughs/

"what cant I visit my favorite drunkard?"

"Ahhh…but see that's where your wrong. I'm not a drunkard anymore. Only two glasses a day and I'm good." He smiles proudly. I am proud of Adrian.

"Lucky you" I mutter as I go to get a napkin to pick up the eggs on the floor. When I started to get back up I see Adrian standing in front of me. our faces inches apart. His breath is intoxicating.

"What's the matter Rose? You seem down. And don't deny it, its all in you aura." He inquires.

"Oh Adrian." Then I break down and cry right there. He holds me while I let go of tears that I should have cried out a long time ago. I cry because now Lissa doesn't need me as much as she did. I cry because her and Christian's relationship is so much easier that mine and Dimitri's. I cry because I know that Dimitri doesn't love me as much anymore. I cry because I know that sooner of later Dimitri and I would not exist. And I cry because I think I like Adrian.

All this while Adrian's been soothing me.

"Are you going to tell me now?"

I laugh a little, "what's there to tell? Dimitri is still coming in late. And now we can't even be in the same room without quarrelling. It's like he's changed Adrian, and I can't reach him. I think that he doesn't want to be reached, at least not by me." tears start to pool out of my eyes now, "Oh Adrian. What if he doesn't love me anymore?"

"Shhh…Little Dhampir. He'd be a fool not to love you. I'll always be here for you. Remember that."

Then I heard that familiar voice. But even in its familiarity I still don't hear it enough.

"What is going on in here?" I hear Dimitri say out loud. Stressing each syllable.

"Work" I say and walk out. Not before telling Adrian bye and then leaving. I don't know what Dimitri said to Adrian but he was behind me in a couple of seconds.

"Roza…" but I didn't stop. This is all confusing to me now. I knew I had to, we needed to talk. Because lately I have no clue what's going through his mind. What he feels…does he still want me?

"Roza stop god-dammit!" he cursed at me! He never does that…

"what? I have to be at Lissa's in a couple of minutes." I was just in front of Mia's and even though Lissa's was on the other side it was still a little bit far.

"What were you doing over at Adrian's?" he asked me but in an accusatory voice.

"Are you accusing me of something?"

"Is there anything to accuse?"

"I don't know you tell me…"

"just ans-." I cut him off.

"Look, I don't know what's been going on with you lately, your so distant. Why?..." I was pleading at this point. I had to get it out. "Why don't you talk to me? Have I done something wrong? Please, tell me. Why are you so distant lately, why wont you be with me? Do you not love me anymore?" I was on the verge of tears but his answering remarks froze those tears and made my heart an ice-cold chamber of hate.

"Are you kidding me? So you are involved with Lord Ivashkov aren't you? I should have known. Ever since at the Academy you couldn't keep your legs closed." Those words shocked me. He knew he was my first…

I looked at him with shock and hurt written all over my face. He saw it and his face changes to chagrin.

"Roza I didn't mean it. You just, it's…seeing you there…" he was at a loss for words and so was I.

I can't believe him.

"Roza, I'm-."

"No" it came out in a whisper because I still hadn't found my voice, but I knew he heard me, "I can't do this anymore."

With that I turned away and left him in the middle of the street. I didn't turn around nor did I hear him approach me, so I knew what I chose to do now was the right choice. Instead of going straight to Lissa's I went to the house I shared with Dimitri. It wasn't a home anymore. Nor do I think it was ever.

I went upstairs and packed all my belongings. I couldn't stay with him anymore. This is what he always wanted I kept telling myself. He's been pushing me away for the longest, well now he got his wish.

Bags in hand I just started to walk. I didn't know exactly where I was going until I reached Lissa's door. I just went inside and I saw her sitting down with a book in hand. She just looked at me, startled. Then took in my state.

"Liss…" my eyes were already filling up with tears… she turned around.

"Rose..? Rose are you alright?" she went over and hugged me. I liked being with Lissa because she always made me happy. Then fire-boy came in and ruined the moment.

"Are my eyes deceiving me or is the Great Rose Hathaway showing emotions…" he stopped mid-sentence when he saw that I was crying and then his eyes bugged.

"Rose…" he began to say.

"Not now sparky, please." It was the first time I begged but I couldn't take his B.S. right now.

"Rose tell me what's wrong." Lissa pleaded.

_Want to go somewhere else to talk?_ She asked through the bond.

"No, I don't want to repeat myself when Sparky over there asks me."

She lead me to the chair and I told her what's been happening with me and Dimitri and how I broke up with him after what he told me. "…and that's why I have my bags here." I pointed to the door.

"That… I have the urge to just light him on fire!" Sparky said. Lissa and I were shocked. I think he noticed. His face became apologetic then he said, "Rose, I know you and I don't get along all the time but you're like a sister to me and I don't like people hurting the one's I love."

"Thanks Sparky. I consider you a brother too."

"Rose, what are you going to do now?" Lissa asked. I could feel through the bond that she was worried about me.

"I-I I don't know Lis. I cant go back there. I don't want to see him again. I really don't. But I don't know where else to go-." She cut me off.

"Rose don't you dare say that! You can stay with me and Christian!" Christian agreed. I asked them if they were sure and they said yes. When I unpacked my suitcase in my room, it was opposite Lissa's upstairs, I realized that I would have to go back for my things sooner rather than later. But I couldn't. The thought of it all hurt because I really love Dimitri. I still do even though he said something very mean and inconsiderate to me. I cried myself to sleep that night.

When I started to dream it seemed familiar. I was in Adrian's grandmother's garden. I didn't feel like call out to him, I just whispered his name and laid on the blanket Adrian placed there for me. I took in the beauty of the garden when I noticed that Adrian was now beside me.

"What's wrong Little Dhampir?" Adrian whispered to me cupping my chin with this hand. He looked at me deep in my eyes and I felt that he could see my soul.

"Oh Adrian." I couldn't help myself. I cried right there in his arms. Looks like I have a thing for crying nowadays. And I didn't realize it but I was waking up. Then I saw Lissa sitting on my bed.

"Rose, I heard you crying. Are you ok?" I could see and feel her worry for me radiate off her. Then I heard the front door open. Lissa and I listened and we vaguely heard someone calling for me. I knew it was a man and I prayed it wasn't Dimitri.

Someone knocked. I ducked under the covers. Childish I know but what else could I do?

"Is she in here?" I heard someone ask and it sounded just like Adrian.

"Yes, I don't know if she's up for visitors though." Lissa replied.

"Well I wanted to check on her. I don't know what's going on but I need to make sure she's alright." Then Adrian appeared through the door. One look and I think he knew what it was about, I was at his house when it all happened anyway. He should know.

So here I was, in Lissa's guest room, with Sparky, Lissa and Adrian sitting around me on the bed, explaining to Adrian, what exactly happened.

Adrian was mad but I had a feeling that he was keeping something from me. Like he knew something but every time I asked he kept changing the subject. Lissa and Christian arranged for movers to go there Monday since it was a Saturday and they needed a day's notice before they actually move you.

I knew I couldn't stay at Lissa's forever. Just then Lissa called us all down for breakfast. I was just finished from the bathroom and my hair was still wet. So I quickly dried it with my towel and went downstairs. I was trying to convince myself that this has been going on for a while and that I should have seen this coming. But no matter what I think I'll always love him, and I don't think I would be able to forget him.

I joined Liss and Pyro in the dining room which is absolutely beautiful. I was separated from both the kitchen and living room by double doors. One leading to the kitchen and the other leading to the living room.

Liss made pancakes with orange juice and she also had bacon and eggs and….i cant believe this…

"Liss! You have…" I made my way over to it. It was amazing. I needed one of those spot lights for it.

Lissa came out with a silly smile on her face, "Yes Rose, I do have chocolate glazed doughnuts."


End file.
